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Water Quotes from Funny People
Jim Lauria
/ Categories: Water

Water Quotes from Funny People

Jim Lauria

Water is a serious matter, but when I was traveling around the world, meeting with people, and benchmarking the best global water management practices, I found that humor, like water, is the universal solvent.

So, on this World Water Day, I’m taking the advice of comedian Steve Bhaerman and overcoming gravity with levity by posting my favorite water quotes from funny people…

1. “My fake plants died because I forgot to pretend to water them.” - Mitch Hedberg

2. “I bought some powdered water, but I didn’t know what to add.” - Steven Wright

3. “The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.” - George Costanza (Jason Alexander), Seinfeld

4. "Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody." - Mark Twain

5. “Evian is ‘naive’ spelled backwards.” - George Carlin

6. “Even a dead fish can go with the flow.” - Jim Hightower

7. “Man is a complex being: he makes deserts bloom - and lakes die.” - Gil Scott-Heron

8. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” - Dave Barry

9. “The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?” - Lily Tomlin

10.  “How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.” - Arthur C. Clarke

11.  “Being a fish out of water is tough, but that's how you evolve.” - Kumail Nanjiani

12.  “Experts say global warming is serious, and they are predicting that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice.” - David Letterman

13.  “If the human body is 60 percent water, why am I only two percent interested?” - Stephen Colbert

14.  “You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.” - W.C. Fields

15.  “Man - despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments - owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains." - Paul Harvey

16.  “You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.” - Edwin Louis Cole

And finally…

17.  “Imagine trying to live in a world dominated by dihydrogen oxide, a compound that has no taste or smell and is so variable in its properties that it is generally benign but at other times swiftly lethal. Depending on its state, it can scald you or freeze you. In the presence of certain organic molecules it can form carbonic acids so nasty that they can strip the leaves from trees and eat the faces off statuary. In bulk, when agitated, it can strike with a fury that no human edifice could withstand. Even for those who have learned to live with it, it is an often murderous substance. We call it water.” - Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything

If you have any quotes to add, please post them in the comments section.

Thanks and please check out the other posts from my series “Water Quotes from…”

Water Quotes from Women

Water Quotes from U.S. Presidents

Water Quotes from Famous People

Water Quotes from Movies and Films

Water Quotes from Chinese Teachings

Water Quotes from Song Lyrics

Water Quotes from Around the World

Water Quotes from Leonardo da Vinci

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